This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
