he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
