just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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