i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
