3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
True strength comes from lack of pants
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
