I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
