You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
