I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
