win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
