Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
