I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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