There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
