it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thus making me awesome and them whores
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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