she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
