This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
