Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
