dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
