It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
