Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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