1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
