I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
