He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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