Your tits are I can't wait for
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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