my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
