My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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