Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
