I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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