i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
