sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My dick has a subreddit
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
