It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
