6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
