She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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