I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
