I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
