so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
