The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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