1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
