Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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