if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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