i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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