Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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