Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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