P.S. I can't hear my feet
time to smoke my breakfast
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
