We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
