I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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