At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
