he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
