READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
