She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That reminds me...we need to get swords
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
