I got chris browned last night
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
