glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
